THE ENDANGERED “SPOTTED COW”

I say, will old Bessy become one of the endangered species
just because she knows not where to deposit her feces?

I reckon its time we seek out the honorable Dan Quayle
to see exactly what will be the future of a cow and her tail.

He and George Bush can surely come off with a twist
to neutralize the sins of the environmentalists.

You see, the way it is now, by the time a cow dies
she’s driven totally insane by millions of flies.

In days gone by, but since the buffalo chip
you cold kill those pesky flies with a spray or a dip.

But since the environmentalists started shaking their fists
every product that worked then is now on the restricted lists.

For the bison’s survival, a wallow was more than a must
but then again think of the effects of erosion and dust.

God gave the buffalo a short tail, but for whatever reason
My guess is because Montana flies do have a season

Now cows as you’ve guessed never did learn how to wallow
Their main function is to eat grass, drink water and swallow.

Sometimes while standing in water that’s high
Old Bessy raises her tail so it stays dry.

It’s then with her tail held up high over her rump
without even knowing its happened she takes a big dump.

The environmentalist says its smell is somewhat offensive
but to me it’s a smell of something exquisite and expensive.

I’ll be the first to admit it can make the water look green
but I’m here to tell you, cow manure is biologically clean.

William R. Pelton
March 29, 1992

Photo Credit: Shane Schieck – Bill Pelton’s favorite view out his front window “Mountains, Yeller and US Flag” July 2024